D3 body, D1 cock
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Pants are for mortals
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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