and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
