Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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