he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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