So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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