I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
false alarm. still invincible.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
