apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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