I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
