Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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