so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
