Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
another moral hangover. fuck.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
