My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
