he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize