as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
