Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
