I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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