I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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