Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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