if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize