You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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