you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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