so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize