They should really pass out barf bags in church
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
