i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize