You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
