my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
