i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
