Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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