I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
