Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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