would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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