I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
