??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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