there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
