just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize