I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
