the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
