it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
