Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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