Im at strip club and am horny
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
