just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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