I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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