So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
