remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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