i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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