you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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