Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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