Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize