I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
why do cheetos always look like penises
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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