As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I pour the whiskey from now on
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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