he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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