how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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