he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize