Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hippo gnu deer
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
