i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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