Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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