PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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