Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Terrible idea I love it
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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