dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
