im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
