She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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