I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
