Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
