Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize