what day is it and did you see me today?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I know her cup size but not her name....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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